


Stay

by everythingisconnected



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Caring Castiel, Caring Dean, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Emotional, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Hatred, Spooning, yasss all the feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:59:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8406169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisconnected/pseuds/everythingisconnected
Summary: Kind of 12x03 coda. **Spoilers** Mary leaves, Dean prays to Cas, and Cas answers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> AU where dean and cas actually Talk In Depth About Their Feelings....pls take note @spn

_"Cas, Cas, I need you here man."_

_"Please, I know it's selfish, you're out hunting Lucifer and that's more important, but I could really do with, uh, not being alone right now."_

_"Cas... please come back."_

Darkness and silence were Dean's only comfort right now. Silence, except for the dull hum of the bunker's lights from outside his room. He'd been here for hours, lying on his bed, eyes shut but not being granted with the blessing of sleep.

Earlier, him and Sam had hugged and maybe cried a little, trying their best to stay strong as none of them were that great when it came to showing emotions. Then Sam had declared that he needed time alone, and even though that was the last thing Dean had wanted at that moment, he'd made that sacrifice to make his little brother happy. So he'd let Sam leave to his room.

That seemed to be a regular thing. People leaving.

Who was he, to think that finally something good had come out of this life of theirs? That for once, he could be happy and have his mother back. And then she takes off and leaves. What if she never came back? What if meeting him was such a disappointing experience; what if in her eyes, he wasn't her son, but a complete stranger?

Negative thoughts plagued Dean's mind, not letting him rest. Selfishly, he'd prayed to Cas (a lot, it was like purgatory all over again), despite him being out and busy. The angel had made it clear they shouldn't be going with him, and he'd contact them when they needed him. Why did Dean think he was so _entitled_ that Cas could just drop all that at once and come running to him?

Maybe Cas was his last hope. He'd stuck with him and Sam for eight years and didn't seem to be going anywhere. But maybe one day, he'll decide Dean was just too much work and run off too.

Maybe even Sammy will leave.

Dean flinched at the thought. Sammy and Cas were all he had now. When their mum had died, she'd left them with no choice. But this time it _was_ a choice. If his own mother could abandon him, who's to say the rest of his family wouldn't too?

A ruffle of wings.

"Dean?"

The hunter's eyes shot open. "Cas? That you?"

"Yes. Why is it dark?"

"Wait-" Dean reached over and switched on the lamp beside his bed, rubbing his eyes to bring the angel in front of him into focus. Cas was squinting at him, his brow furrowed with concern. 

"Dean, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" Cas immediately sat down on the bed next to him, examining him closer.

"No Cas, I didn't even think you'd come," Dean embarrassedly wiped the stray tears from his eyes.

"Then what's the problem? Why were you praying to me?"

 _Shit_. This was the part where he'd actually have to share his feelings. Open up, make himself vulnerable. Something he was terrible at, and hadn't considered til now.

He chuckled dryly, looking away and at the floor, trying to hold in more tears. Why was his body betraying him like this?

"Dean?"

"Yeah," Dean clutched the sheets tighter. "Mom left."

"Where did she go?"

"No, she _left_ , Cas. As in I have no idea when, or if, she's coming back."

"Why would she do that?"

"Don't know. She was struggling, having trouble settling in. Obviously I didn't do enough to help her."

Cas let out a small sigh. "Dean. I'm so sorry. Where's Sam?"

"In his room, wanted time alone."

"I'm guessing you didn't."

"Pretty much."

They were silent for a moment, Dean trying desperately to calm his ragged breathing. He had to stay strong in front of Cas, couldn't show him any weakness. Although he was doing a pretty piss poor job of that already by practically crying on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault," Cas said softly. "Maybe she needs some time to herself to adjust. Being on Earth for the first time... it's jarring."

"Yeah," Dean choked back a sob. "Sure. Just that."

"Dean, don't blame yourself," Cas frowned when he noticed the hunter's eyes were glassy with tears he was trying to keep in. "Dean?"

"It's fine, Cas," Dean turned away, holding his head in his hands. "You should go. Don't let me hold you back. Lucifer's more important than me right now."

"I wouldn't have come if I didn't think you were a priority," Cas reached out to place a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder. "Lucifer can wait."

"I'm just overreacting," Dean mumbled into his hands. "Go, Cas, please. I don't deserve your time."

"No," Cas' grip tightened, and he properly climbed onto the bed. "Don't ever say that. You deserve everything, Dean. More than I can give you."

"So you'll stay? Here with me?"

"Of course."

Dean smiled to himself, for the first time in a while, slinging his legs back onto the bed and leaning back against the pillows. He patted the space next to him and Cas was confused for a moment, then quickly joined him by his side with a small grin.

"Dean, what do you need?" 

"Someone who won't leave me."

"I can be that."

The hunter frustratedly brushed more tears away, trying so hard to believe Cas. Maybe he would stay. Or maybe he'd change his mind and leave like the others.

"Really?" Dean turned his head and realised he was a lot closer to the angel than he thought. Their faces were inches apart, and for some reason Cas' lips seemed to look very appealing right now.

"Yes. Always." He sounded sincere, as if he was saying it truly, from the bottom of his heart. Or grace. 

"Thanks, Cas," Dean distractedly reached out to place his palm over the angel's, linking their fingers together. A moment later he realised what he'd done, in the heat of the moment (lol), and was somehow more OK with it than he'd imagined.

Cas seemed to be too.

They were still staring at each other. They usually did that, a lot, when they were talking normally but this time they were closer and it seemed more intimate.

"Everything OK with you?" Dean broke their staring contest, lowkey regretting it as soon as he had. Maybe, right now, he kind of felt comforted by Cas staring into his soul with a soft gaze.

"Yes, Dean, I'm fine. Don't worry about me," the angel stared at his lap, looking as if he was hiding something.

"Cas, I'm practically the king of hiding feelings, I can tell when something's up," Dean subconsciously squeezed his hand. "Talk to me."

"I don't want to burden you with anything more than you already have." 

"You won't, c'mon buddy, tell me."

Dean 'personal space' Winchester found himself moving closer to the angel so they were pressed together, totally just for comfort reasons. Totally.

Cas' lips twitched upwards when he felt the hunter's presence closer to him. "Your mother..."

Dean flinched the second those words left his mouth.

"I'm sorry," Cas turned away. "I can stop."

"No, no, it's fine, go on," Dean urged.

Cas sighed softly. "She told me something, this morning. She said she felt like she didn't fit in. And... I understand how she feels. I feel the same."

"Cas," Dean screwed his eyes shut, rubbing at his temples with his free hand. "You know you're family, right? You're one of us?"

"Yes, sometimes I..." Cas rolled his lips between his teeth. "It's nothing. Don't worry."

"This is your home, with me and Sam. I'm sorry you don't..." Dean sighed. "Us, me and Sam, we don't really fit anywhere either. But together, we do. And so do you."

"Dean, I-" Cas brushed his thumb over the hunter's. "Thank you."

"It's no problem, man," Dean said. "You took a break from hunting Lucifer to let me cry on your shoulder, it's the least I can do."

He felt so much better already, having Cas next to him, _holding Cas' hand_. It baffled him, that this powerful celestial being, who could smite him within a second, was acting this soft and vulnerable around him, comforting him and letting himself be comforted in return. Gently rubbing his thumb in circles over his and leaning against him. They practically looked like a couple at this point.

Then they were staring at each other again. Cas once again looked like he was staring into Dean's soul, trying to read him. And Dean was staring right back, lost in his angel's eyes. They were actually a really pretty shade of blue. For a moment he thought he could see a sparkle of grace in them, but maybe it was just a trick of the light. 

Dean found his eyes drifting down, landing on his angel's lips. 

They looked so soft, so kissable. At the moment he wasn't thinking straight, in more ways than one, and just needed to be as close to Cas as possible. Needed to feel the angel against him. Needed to make sure he was going to stay.

So he leaned forward, and found Cas also leaning forward, meeting him halfway.

Their lips softly pressed together, barely touching at first, Dean's lips framing Cas' bottom one. He brought it between his teeth and nibbled a little, hearing Cas hum in appreciation, then completely went for it and kissed his angel properly.

The hunter's heart hammered in his chest. Cas' lips were just as soft as he'd expected, and the angel was kissing back with just as much love and passion. Their kisses were so gentle, yet so insistent. The two of the just lay there, lips brushing together over and over, for several more moments which felt like hours. After a while Dean pulled back for air, resting his forehead against Cas' and squeezing his eyes shut. This was happening. Cas was here, next to him, with him, and staying.

"Need you," Dean breathed out, reaching an arm around to slip under Cas' trenchcoat and around his waist. "Need you so much, Cas."

"Dean," Cas' voice sounded so rough from kissing yet laced with affection. 

"Come here," Dean dove straight back in, kissing him more passionately this time, fast and needy. He leaned over him, Cas moving back on the pillows to let Dean rest against his side as they made out. Cas held Dean's cheek with his free hand, insistent on not letting go of their joined ones. He alternated from gently stroking his cheek to reaching around to the nape of his neck to pull him closer.

Their tongues met for a moment, moving together then going straight back to long, desperate kisses. Neither of them seemed like they wanted to stop anytime soon, years of UST pouring out all at once.

It seemed like forever had passed when they eventually pulled apart, leaning their foreheads together again. Dean rolled onto his side and brought Cas with him, arm tightening around his waist and pulling him as close as he could.

"Cas, could you stay with me tonight? You know... just, hold me."

"Of course Dean. I'll always stay with you."

There was something about Cas, and his comforting words, that made Dean feel able to open up around him. So he turned around, and let himself be held. Cas' arms around him felt like heaven itself. Being in the arms of someone who wouldn't leave him.

Cas kept his promise and watched over him until he woke up the next morning, still in his angel's arms.


End file.
